Just Like Faith to Slip Me By Again

Okay, here's an analogy. Pretend God is real, I mean really concrete and visible. Everyone knows what he looks like and wants to be His friend. So you learn a bit about Him. You even talk to Him, and it's like you've been friends all your life. Suddenly, without notice, God no longer calls or keeps in touch. Is He still thinking about you? Well, true believers will say, "Of course, you fool. He's just very busy taking care of the world He's created and everything and everyone that occupies it. You are not the center of the universe."....

Which brings me to a case in point. I feel as though God deserted me again. Just when I call I hear nothing. Just when I feel I'm trying to reach out, I feel ignored. Why would God give me a taste of something good only to take it away?...This has been ongoing in my life. For it seems, since I met this so called person, I've met other blessings in terms of finding new friendships because of how this person made me feel about myself. I felt more open to meet new friends and people. I felt more confident in myself...Then...a void enters and suddenly I don't know who I am again....True what they say. Work on yourself before others can get to know you, but I was working on myself at the moment on becoming more spirtual. Was this what drew my friend away?...

God, please do not treat me like some people do. I often feel disposable like tissues or trash that are long forgotten. If I have displeased you, it is only in that I feel so removed from you right now, with these crippling doubts in others who I looked up to. Perhaps my fault was not looking up to You?...But is it not true that you are in other people too?...

The New Year...

Well, not a great time to get sick...I only have enough strength to update on one of many blogs I write...And trust me there are many :)...

I guess the one thing I can write without expending too much energy is to thank God for blessing me with life. I could be much sicker in a hospital or finding out I only have so many months to live. I could be living in war torn Iraq or even neighborhoods torn by violence and crime. I could be running for my life everyday, avoiding being the next target of gang violence. I could no longer be here writing these words to you!

My blessings are small yet big in value. I am blessed with a family that really loves me. Though I have friends that live far away, I know that they are sincere. I even met new ones, even one that may or may not blossom to something more. I got to spend more time with my godson, at least near the holidays (but I know as he grows older, these times may be the only times I'll get to spend with him...a previous personal blunder between his parents & I has made me reluctant to ask for more days for us to hang out, and I know now more than ever that I see through him my opportunity to be a big sister or even a mother I never got to be or hope to be).

I don't know what God wants from me or has in store for me this year. I only hope that with each day I grow into a better, spiritually richer, generous, and selfless person.

Peace, Light, and Godspeed to you all this 2007 and thereafter.

May you keep this world and those you are close to in it in your prayers.